I am learning in my own life’s journey, and through my life’s work, that past trauma is a key ingredient in many unresolved conflicts. Usually, I observe that when I do conflict resolution work, there is a lot of childhood trauma of various intensities involved with the current conflict. More recent trauma can also be at play and influencing the dynamics. I am finding a lot of experience with ongoing trauma in this region.
Trauma seems to really impact us emotionally. Trauma also seems to have a physical or physiological affect on people. I heard two research stories recently, which support the notion that trauma is more than just an emotional issue to resolve. One study shows that people who actually have a larger lower part of the brain, where the reptilian and mammalian brain originates, tend to be more fearful. Another study shows that under repeated trauma, the neurons grow more receptors to transmit chemical messages. With continued trauma, these receptors and spaces between neurons become calcified. This creates an automatic flow of information between neurons rather than a delayed reaction through a chemical transfer of information.
The lower brain’s primary focus is survival of self. It senses what is occurring in the world around the individual, and through a screening of potential risk or harm, begins to develop actions for survival. The heart rate goes up, breathing quickens, blood flows, and there is more acuity in necessary senses for survival. The body prepares to act for fight or flight. This is automatic and happens first. People that have been highly traumatized in life are often hyper-sensitive, and spending a lot of energy looking for danger. Due to a chemical disconnect that occurs when threatened, we literally “flip our lid.” Our higher brain gets disconnected from our lower brain for a certain period during times of great stress. The higher brain, the neo-cortex and frontal lobe, is where rational, cognitive thinking occur.
I am not sure if we can listen respectfully if we are terrified. Respectful listening requires one to calm down and be present. Respectful listening requires one to stop their own story in order to listen to another, particularly if the other story is opposite of our own. I have found even now, with all my own personal work with resolving the trauma in my life, that if I get triggered, my higher brain shuts down and I cannot hear what is being said. I just cannot recall what a person was saying. Respectful listening is required in order to change our beliefs about a situation, to be able to understand a new perspective. Behaviors, strategies and actions change based on the core focus about beliefs about the past, present and future.
I was at an international conference in Salzburg, Austria many years go. One of the presenters, Wit MacMillan, former Vice President of Cargill International, gave a presentation about the adoption of sustainable practices in agriculture. His main point was that the adoption level was based on the people’s understanding of the risk and reward of the practices. I had dinner with him and mentioned that I actually saw the situation as the individual’s “perception” of risk and reward. If we perceive something to be a certain way, we will choose our response / reaction based upon that view. Our beliefs often produce the reality we perceive, even if the outcome is totally influenced by our perception, not physical reality. This is what is called the self-fulfilling prophecy.
The successes that are associated with my work are often a result of my ability to help people change their belief about the potential outcomes. If individuals focus on a fear-based outcome, this is usually what is manifested. I often find that people in conflict are already living their worst outcomes. If they focus their mind on a hope-based outcome, this is usually what is manifested. Understanding how the human brain works with fear and hope, can allow shift to happen from one type of behavioral outcome to a different type of behavioral outcome. Consequently, there is a great opportunity to change large conflicts by making little shifts within individuals.
I have observed over the years of my work that a group is comprised of individuals. When I work to resolve group conflicts, such as in the workplace, between factions, or within families, being able to reduce the imaged fears of one individual can affect and ultimately shift the whole group. The saying goes “change one, you change them all.” If just one person could begin listening respectfully to understand the bigger picture, they could assemble this more complete story into a solution that works for everyone.
I have listened to many people here who have had guns, prisons, and soldiers involved in their life story. On this trip, I am met a few people who befriended me, and were willing to ask for guidance to change their situation. What I helped them do was to quiet the brain, and help shift the intensity of thought from their fears to their hopes. If the brain was going to be active, it might as well be active thinking about what they desired instead of what they were afraid of. In the future, either can happen. In the present, this is the current reality. And in reality, the only moment we have is now. The last second of life is gone, and the next second is not here yet. How we invest our efforts now, creates tomorrow.
The first step that seems to be vital in this shift is self-consciousness, or becoming self-aware. In order to shift the brain, when it gets racing into the worst possible outcomes, one must be aware that that pattern is occurring. There are feelings in the body that indicate that one is being driven by fearful thoughts. When a person becomes aware of those body sensations, they can then relax through meditation or breathing, and then shift their mind toward what they would like to see as the desired outcomes.
So, what difference could I do during my trip? What gifts could I leave? What contribution could I do in making a better world for my first granddaughter? First, the adage, “seek first to understand, then be understood,” has been on my mind. I have spent a lot of my trip observing and listening to what people were saying, and doing. I watched interactions, sometimes asking questions. The language gets in the way occasionally, so I rely on various perspectives of others when observing a situation. I have found myself tired from a lot of sensory work. I have been fortunate enough to have a good place to rest and meals graciously provided, often in family homes. I have also been able to find times to be still and quiet my own being.
There have been times that I have watched myself go through my worst outcomes and fears. There is a lot of unknowing and uncertainty. This creates quite a void for thought and emotion. I remember news reports from the past of events in this region. There are stories from people I have met. And there are the images of what I am seeing and experiencing now. I would like to understand the “other sides.” I can guess why I see the things that I see, however, respectful listening needs to occur for all people. Of course, I came here with the realization that this is a complex situation. There seems to be simplicity in the solution – remove fear, create hope.
The simple things that I have focused on are helping people in their daily lives deal with the trauma or resolve a small, yet significant issue. These simple things included helping a mother sleep more peacefully at night time, or helping set up a positive framework within a friend’s mind to solve a family conflict. My experiences have included helping a wife create healing in a family where there is an abusive husband with a family pattern of abuse, or helping a young high school daughter flesh out her dream for the future, and acknowledging her ability to achieve such a vision. Or the simple act of listening with respect, and being interested, the power of acknowledging that one exists. Waving to children brings great joy.
